Matrescence and Me, the OT

I started using the "occupational therapy" part of my brain to think about motherhood almost immediately. At the age of 28, three years into my career as an occupational therapist, I already knew how to research evidence-based practices and outcomes. When my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive, I delved into books and scientific papers on the topic. However, I was disappointed to find there were no occupational therapists who were writing about the science of pregnancy, and settled for information from an economist. I liked numbers, but decently relatable explanations, and maybe a dash of humor. I downloaded the economist’s guide to pregnancy and birth to my phone so that I could consult the graphs and gain a statistical advantage whenever I needed to.

My first Matrescence

Fast forward a few months, after a trip around the world and a new job setting. Pregnancy threw me for a loop. While I marveled at the changes to my body, I noticed that everyday tasks were becoming increasingly more challenging. I traded my skinny jeans for the softest sweatpants I could find and switched my business casual blouses for maternity tanks from Target. I knew how to modify my environment and use tools my advantage, supporting my changing body and adapting to mechanical disadvantages.

The end of my pregnancy was tiring, but I made adaptations to conserve energy by spending more time sitting than standing. I broke up larger tasks into shorter chunks and avoided certain activities altogether. As the third trimester approached, my center of gravity and abdominal organs shifted and it became harder to breathe and move. After a labor that lasted two days and a third-degree tear, I was amazed and distracted by the child I had grown and was now mine to take home and care for. Looking back, I see how much I relied on the support of my family during that first week. I couldn't sit on hard surfaces, my breasts tripled in cup size and leaked constantly, and my nipples had to be manually everted for my baby to nurse. I had no idea what I was doing, but I sought advice from professionals and other mothers who had been through it before. I spent any chance I could with my newfound community of mothers who had recently had babies and birth professionals who imparted their wisdom. As my baby grew into a toddler, I continued to rely on their support, and they on mine. Our children grew together month by month, year by year, and we shared our challenges, our laughs, and our tears.

My Second Matrescence

When I got pregnant with my second child, things were immediately much harder than the first time around. There were no mid-afternoon naps or binge-watching seasons of new shows. I still waddled, adapted, and lived in sweatpants, but I also chased my toddler, brought her to activities, and tried very hard to keep my sanity.

My labor with my second child was swift. I ended up begging my husband to leave the house for the birthing center just an hour or two after my first contraction began. Things progressed much more quickly than I had anticipated. After only 3.5 hours of labor, my water broke in the car on the way to the birthing center. The baby came fast and furious, giving my birth team barely enough time to arrive and unlock the doors. We went home that same morning, eager for Big Sister to meet her Little.

The whole “Rest and Admire” phase I enjoyed the first time around did not happen with the second. My husband decided to return to work after only a week, confident that I could handle it. In fact, he even attempted to potty train our two-year-old because he needed a project while he was home. I was honestly wiped out and didn’t really know how to ask for help or even that I needed it. This baby latched right away, no nipple tools necessary. In fact, she actually did that instinctive breast crawl that I watched in the videos they showed us during our prenatal education. But I was almost immediately in pain. Her latch was not deep enough, though she nursed like a champ, and it left my nipples raw, chapped, and sore. That toe-cringing pain I had heard other mothers describe during breastfeeding was now my own reality.

We knew from our first that a tongue tie could be the issue. So a few days later, after her tie was released, my nipples began to heal as her latch grew more comfortable. But no one really helped us understand as parents the purpose and importance of doing the post-op stretches. We were already semi-traumatized from subjecting our older daughter to them when she was newborn. No one told us that there was a way to do them where she didn’t have to be screaming. An OT could have, but that didn’t exist back then.

The first few years of mothering two children were pure survival. My favorite tactic was to get everyone out of the house as soon as possible in the morning before dual naptime arrived. Usually, I sought out an environment with other mothers , where we could sit, our children entertaining each other, and commiserate and celebrate together. We were all struggling, but at least we struggled as a group effort. Some of us were suffering from various physical ailments such as low back pain and wrist soreness. Some of us were barely mentally holding on, with colicky babies that required hours of rocking. Some of us had just gone back to work, hoping and praying that this daycare would be the right one.

Looking back on my experience, I realize how much of a Newbie I was with my first child. I was in awe of everything, filled with wonder and admiration for this new little life. But with my second child, things were different. I didn't know where to turn for help, and I wasn't sure who to ask. I was struggling to keep up with the demands of motherhood, and I didn't know how to reach out for support. My husband went back to work pretty quickly, leaving me to care for our two-year-old and newborn on my own. I was exhausted and overwhelmed, and I didn't really know how to ask for help or that I needed it.

 As a mother of two, I can attest to the fact that motherhood is a journey filled with both immense happiness and great challenge. I learned the importance of seeking support from other mothers and professionals during the difficult phases. As an occupational therapist, I have come to realize the unique qualifications of my profession in supporting mothers through the physical and emotional demands of parenting. I understand more than ever that it's crucial for mothers to take care of themselves and rediscover their identities beyond motherhood. With the help of professionals like occupational therapists, we can be both fulfilled individuals and loving mothers, even if it takes a little while.