Finding Calm in the Closet: Sensory Regulation and Motherhood
When Gayle answers the phone, she sounds hushed and anxious.
"I'm hiding in my closet," she confesses.
"I just needed a break."
Gayle had been at home alone with a sick kiddo. We had planned to do work at a coffee shop, but as plans often go, they had to be pivoted. So instead of being focused, drinking a chai latte, and nibbling on a croissant, Gayle was curled up in her closet, hands to ears, listening to Tibetan singing bowls, and willing herself to breathe slowly and deeply so she could emerge from her closet and be Mom again.
To be a mother is to be a security blanket, a jungle gym, a listening ear, a fidget. Our children adore us, as evidenced by the constant caresses, tugs, and calls.
Enjoy every second, they say.
Childhood doesn't last forever, they whisper.
One day you'll look back and wish they were little again, they promise.
But these are not the thoughts we have when we are cowering in our closet, hands clasped around our ears, trying desperately to inch ourselves away from the sea of overwhelm that threatens to overtake us as the tide comes in.
In motherhood, these intense sensory experiences can come in various forms: a child's cry, the tug of a little hand on a pant leg, or the visual clutter of toys and household items. Our ability to regulate our external responses to internal sensory input can significantly impact our daily functioning, and affects our mood, attention, and overall well-being.
The nervous system manages and responds to sensory input from the environment. This process affects both our physical and mental experiences. When our brain receives information from sensations, such as sound, touch, smell, sight and body positioning, it processes and interprets it. Depending on our individual sensory thresholds and personal coping strategies, the response to sensory input can range from under-reactivity to over-reactivity.
Under-reactivity often manifests as a lack of awareness or response to stimuli, which may result in the need for stronger or more intense sensory input to elicit a reaction. On the other hand, over-reactivity can lead to heightened sensitivity, causing a person to become easily overwhelmed or irritated by certain sensations that others may not find bothersome at all. Sensory over-reactivity can lead to a variety of thoughts and physiological experiences that can be distressing. Some common physical symptoms associated with sensory over-reactivity include increased heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, sweating, and even trembling or shaking. These responses can be accompanied by thoughts of anxiety, frustration, irritability, or even fear. You may have difficulty concentrating, a heightened sense of overwhelm, and an increased sensitivity to your environment. In some cases, sensory over-reactivity can also lead to emotional outbursts or the feeling of needing to escape from the situation.
Both under- and over-reactivity can have significant effects on mental and physical well-being, as well as someone’s ability to engage in daily activities and social interactions. Understanding your own unique sensory profile and implementing coping strategies can help you better regulate sensory experiences and improve overall quality of life.
Solace in a Closet
Occupational therapists play a crucial role in helping their clients manage the impact of sensations and environment on everyday activities. The interaction between our sensory environment and our capacity to engage in the activities we want, need, and have to do, can provide valuable insights and guidance. Occupational therapists specializing in maternal and perinatal health and wellness can offer practical solutions for modifying the environment or strategies to calm the nervous system and help manage sensory overwhelm that comes with parenting.
The next time you find yourself touched out, overwhelmed and seeking a moment of solace in your closet, your bathroom, or your car, remember this: Using tools or strategies to calm yourself down when you need to most is not escaping. It is taking the time to be aware of your needs and regulating your system so that you can return to your tasks and responsibilities as a mom with renewed energy and focus. By prioritizing your well-being and managing sensory overload, you are better equipped to be the supportive, loving, and present parent you strive to be.
Below are several online resources to learn more about sensory overwhelm and sensory regulation. If you think you can use support, we would love to chat with you too!
Steady Parents - Offers resources and education for parents battling sensory overload from a sensory-based occupational therapist.
The Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation (www.spdstar.org) - Offers information about sensory processing issues, resources, and support for parents and professionals.
Understood.org (www.understood.org) - Provides resources, articles, and expert advice related to sensory processing challenges, as well as other learning and attention issues.
The OT Toolbox (www.theottoolbox.com) - A website run by occupational therapists with a wealth of information on sensory processing, including activities, strategies, and resources for parents.
Sensory Smarts (www.sensorysmarts.com) - Offers sensory tips and strategies for parents, along with resources and information about sensory processing disorder.